


The Love He Wanted

by brighterbolder



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 19:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brighterbolder/pseuds/brighterbolder
Summary: He hopes that he didn’t ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him.AKAS finally told T how he really feels, and now he’s alone in his room, waiting for her to come back to him.





	The Love He Wanted

 

It was close to midnight as Scott nervously ran his fingers through his hair for what must have been the millionth time that evening. His heart still hadn’t stopped thumping speedily in his chest even after he had splashed cold water in his face and repeatedly told himself, _everything will be just fine_. At that point, the mantra felt far from reassuring as the time on his phone glared up at him. _She’ll come, and everything will be just fine_.

It had been about five days since he had put his heart on the line. Their free dance had been so exhilarating. He could still hear the crowd roaring and chanting their names and the announcer declaring that they had claimed first place. He could still see the way that she had looked at him, so full of admiration, as they stepped onto the podium’s highest platform and waved to their loyal fans. That feeling was so timeless, and he wished that it could somehow be tangible, that he could frame it and keep it forever. Skating to _Moulin Rouge_ with her had been one of the best experiences of his life, and he’d, of course, never forget it.

He wouldn’t forget what had happened afterwards, either, as the memory taunted him as the minutes ticked by. Overcome with unease, Scott sat on the edge of his bed and held his head in his hands as he recalled their encounter off the ice. Maybe it was because of the dizzying Olympic high, where their gold medal was a drug that kept them on cloud nine. Maybe it was the TV commentator’s suggestive remarks on their coquettish programs. Maybe it was the countless interviewers who asked the inevitable question that they were constantly trying to defer, or the fans who left endless comments pleading them to make a move. Or maybe it was just _them._ Either way, when he and Tessa finally had a moment alone together after a hectic day, he felt something.

After minimal sleep and obligatory discussions with the media the day after their performance, the pair had made their way to Canada House, enjoying their time with their friends and fans. He had felt a gentle hand on his back. “I’m tired,” Tessa had whispered into his ear whilst stifling a yawn. An entire day’s worth of interviews could do that to a person. They were sitting in a back corner and had watched as the building slowly began to drain of patrons as the hour grew late.

“Me, too,” he had replied, throwing an empty can into a wastebasket near him. “I’ll walk back with you?”

She’d nodded sleepily and the two of them made their way to the exit, only stopping for obligatory fan photos twice. It was the first time that they had truly been alone since the previous day on the rink, where they had shared comforting glances as the music began. He valued his time with her, especially when they had been all caught up with rush and adrenaline since. They had walked so close together that their shoulders were brushing and the light wind had made strands of her hair hit his chin.  She was so _beautiful_ , especially when she was radiating joy. Her smile, her laugh, and the special look that she always reserved just for him. He couldn’t help himself as he reached for her hand, his fingers intertwining with hers in the weird way that they always did it. To his delight, she made no move to pull away, not that he had been expecting her to.

 _God_ , Scott thought to himself, as he recalled the way her hand had felt so secure in his, particularly in that moment with just the two of them. With a sigh, he launched himself backwards onto the bed, his head nearly hitting the packed luggage he had set aside there. _I hope I didn’t ruin us_.

As the two of them had approached the building where the Canadian athletes were housed, she had tightened her grip around his hand. To him, though it was small, that had been some sort of sign. A sign that she felt something, too, even if it was the tiniest of indications. Maybe he had overthought it, but in that instance, he had been so certain, so sure that there was something there. Maybe he had just needed a sign from her that he should make a move.

 “Tessa,” he had said, finally gathering the courage to look her in the eye and speak his mind. She had looked right back at him so lovingly, with so much trust and happiness.

“Yes?”

Grabbing both of her hands, he had fully turned to her and took a deep breath. “I love you.”

She had given him his favourite smile and gratefully squeezed his hands. “I love you, too.”

She had then turned to continue walking to the building, her hand still in his.

“No, wait, Tess,” he had said, feeling almost desperate to just get it out. “I…I _love_ you, okay? More than skating partners, more than friends, more than anything.”

His change in tone had made her pause immediately, her grip on him loosening slightly, much to his disappointment. He couldn’t read the expression on her face as her head was turned towards him but her gaze was nowhere to be found.

“Tess?”

Breathing deeply, she had finally met his eyes. “Scott, I…”

Her struggle to finish her sentence had felt like a punch in the gut. It still did, even five days later as he stared at the ceiling. The immense love that they had for one another went deep, and they showed it on the ice and on camera. He had shown it to her, showering her in affection and reliability. She had shown it to him right back, with her small smiles and reassuring touches. Well, at least he thought she had. Maybe he had interpreted wrong all this time. The thought troubled him to the core as he continued to stare at nothing. His bed felt cold, _he_ felt cold, as the weight of his confession fell upon him.

“Tessa, it’s okay,” he had hurriedly said to her in response to her crushing hesitation. “You don’t have to say anything. Really.”

Tessa had looked almost sorrowful as she rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. “I need a few days to think about this,” she had whispered, giving him flickering hope. “We should talk again before we head back home.”

After that, she’d walked quickly into the building, leaving him behind, staring after her. She’d needed space and he had known that, but he hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be.

Gala practice the next day had been almost excruciating as they had had no choice but to act as if nothing happened. Neither wanted their fellow athletes (or even worse, the media) to suspect that something was different between them. _Not necessarily a bad different_ , he had reasoned to himself as Tessa spun around in his arms. _Just different_. Sure, they had been avoiding a major topic of discussion, but nothing had gotten too bad yet.

Tessa had been so happy-go-lucky all day, talking to him like he hadn’t just admitted his feelings to her the night before. They had practiced their lifts in their Gord Downie tribute and their small solo in the finale group dance. But even as she caressed his arms and placed her hand at the nape of his neck, he couldn’t control that nagging feeling that he had ruined everything between them, that she wouldn’t reciprocate how he felt. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t find out after the practice as they hadn’t had a moment by themselves as she was whisked away for another commitment.

As he continued to reflect in his empty, lonely room, Scott couldn’t shake the feeling of regret that consumed him. If he had just kept his mouth shut about how he felt, there wouldn’t be this distance between them. Things were already perfect between them, coming off of an Olympic victory with their connection stronger than ever. _Why’d I have to go and ruin it?_

Their gala performance had been just as emotionally difficult for him. Not only had he been a little sad about their last performance on Olympic ice, but he and Tessa still hadn’t had the chance to sit and talk together, alone. He thought he had given her enough space and time, but being away from her while not knowing how she felt had almost been physically painful for him. They had still hugged before they had taken centre ice, and she had still whispered affirmations in his ear, but there was an elephant in the room. Solid communication between them was vital, and right then they had none of it.

Though they still skated as if it were magic, only the two of them could sense the gap between them, yet neither acknowledged it. Silently, he had prayed to himself that things wouldn’t be like this between them moving forward if she really didn’t feel the same way. The very last thing that he wanted was for things to be uncomfortable between them because of his unreciprocated love. To counteract this thought, he had willed himself to picture a positive outcome, even if they still hadn’t talked yet. He had pictured them translating their on-ice love to real life, despite it being merely a fantasy. He hadn’t wanted to get his hopes too high, but he couldn’t help himself. However, later that night, he thought that he’d finally have the chance to speak with her as the other skaters gathered together after the gala.

“Tess—,” he had begun to whisper, but was cut off by her placing a hand on his chest and offering him a smile.

“Later, Scott,” she had said to him, her red dress sparkling under the lights. “We’ll talk before we fly back home.”

Now, it was the night before they were set to leave. Well, technically it was the morning of their flight as his phone’s clock displayed that it was now near one in the morning. He hadn’t slept a wink. He’d assumed that she’d come find him later when she was ready, but now it was probably time to just give up. She wasn’t coming.

 _I’ve ruined everything,_ he thought woefully as he looked longingly at the door for one last time. _She doesn’t love me that way. I can’t believe that I—_

His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. He sat up straight immediately, the blood rushing to his brain. Without hesitation, he bounded towards the door and threw it open, not caring if the sound of the knob hitting the wall had woken up anyone on the floor.

And there she was.

“Tess,” he breathed, resisting the urge to scoop her up in his arms and never let go. He was so happy to see her, but she did say that they were going to talk.

“Scott,” she said right back, smiling at him. The smile that she gave him wasn’t his favourite one, though. He immediately noticed how it didn’t reach her eyes. It didn’t mirror his like he had hoped.

She reached out to him, her hand running down his arm then tracing the outline of his jaw. She looked at him, still full of admiration, trust, and love, but not the kind that he wanted.

“I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try my hand at writing a story that didn't have a happy ending for once haha. Comment prompts or message me at my tumblr @brighterbolder


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